1 week down, who knows how many to go.

I have a feeling I might end up blogging more over the next few months.  I am trying to get in a routine and mostly just think of things to fill my do and I enjoy recording memories on the blog.

Tomorrow is my follow up ultrasound to see how my cervix is doing since going on progesterone and bedrest. I am really hopeful it has stayed put and has not shortened much.  I have noticed a HUGE difference since spending my days lying around.  The pressure, contractions and back pain/ache are almost non-existent as long as I don't stand up.  This is a very good sign but regardless, your cervix doesn't usually grow longer and I won't be getting off bedrest until viability of life is a lot hire for our little girl.  Last week the doctor said, at longest (and I think most likely) I will be on bedrest and progesterone until week 34.  This is when they consider the baby term and at a point that she would do well.  For many reasons, this length could be longer or shorter but for now that is my long term goal in my head.  Sooo, 1 week down and 11 to go.  When I see it that way it doesn't look quite so bad.

I am hoping to go back to making lists frequently so I can remember to be thankful and joyous during this time.

Things I am thankful for (in my first week of bedrest)

• Feeling more confident that the baby is safe and overall feeling a lot more comfortable
• Friends, family and church being so gracious and caring for us and Ariy especially
• Ariy getting more quality time with "Dada."  I can tell he LOVES it.
• Seeing Rick really step up despite being in midst a busy season for him.  He has been very thoughtful and aware of my needs as well as Ariy's. Loving us well.
• A new season of Ellen.  I won't lie, this gets pretty lonely but Ellen made me laugh and cry yesterday which I needed.
• More time to think, read, do online projects, etc.
• Journal - I haven't journaled in years.  Glad to be getting back into it.
• Ariy being so resilient so far.  He gets the hint that mama has to lie down a lot but he seems to be ok with it so far.

Things that are not easy:

• Creating a routine/schedule that I stick to.  I try and set goals of one or two things to accomplish each day but I will be honest, a lot of my day is simply doing a lot of nothing.
• Watching Ariy play or have a hard time and not being able to jump up and help in the situation.  This is really hard.  Letting go of control and letting others be the primary parents right now is so hard.
• Feeling like my muscle is wasting away, which it is.  I weigh myself last week when I was at my doctors appointment.  This was before I was on full bed rest but I had lost 5 lbs from my weigh in 2 weeks before.  I mentioned this to my midwife and she said thats totally normal (but depressing).
• Feeling bored and lonely.  This is only the first week and I think it will get better but I am used to getting out of the house often even if it is only to go to the park with Ariy.  Just laying in bed or on the couch all day gets to you after a while.  I miss seeing people even if they are just strangers at the park or grocery store.  

Why pregnancy and I don't get along: a lesson in asking for help.

I have been waiting to post anything because we have had a little bit of waiting going on around here to see just how things would pan out.  Before I jump right in to a detailed updated, I should warn that I will talk openly about my cervix.  I am guessing probably the only time in my life I will feel the need to share so  much about my woman parts.

Anyway, I am currently 22 weeks pregnant; I will be 23 weeks this weekend.  At my 20 week anatomy ultrasound, the technician noticed that my cervix did not look exactly right.  She thought it looked shorter than where it should be at this point.  If you don't know, your cervix (if your a woman) is the tunnel basically that essentially separates the outside world and the baby.  If you want a more detailed explanation and diagram check out this site.  When you go into labor, your cervix both thins and shortens (called ephasing) and opens up (dilates).  At this point in the process, your cervix should be hard, closed and LONG.  Mine looks great except it's short.  On average women should be around a 3-4cm (up to 5 even) at 20 weeks and I was at a 2.8.  Not terrible but still on the lower end.  The plan of action was wait two weeks, reduce my physical activity and go back in for another ultrasound to remeasure the length.  Ideally, it would just stay the same or get longer.

I am not sure if it was my reduced activity or the changes that were occurring in my body but during the last two weeks I felt like I gained months onto my pregnancy.  I have been increasingly uncomfortable, lower back pain, and lots of pressure, plus some days I had a fair amount of braxton hicks contractions. I knew this was all a bad sign but was just anxious for the follow up appointment to know what was happening.  The day before my appointment,  I had a bit of a breakdown. I knew that things would be changing, that I would most likely be on bedrest, that I couldn't be the mom to Ariy that I want to be right now, that I would need to depend on others, and that this little baby girl could be in danger.  Fear kind of took over and the poor receptionist at my doctors office got the brunt of it when I called sobbing.  The next day (wednesday) I went in for my follow up ultrasound.

I was in a much better place by the time I went into my appointment yesterday.  I knew what to expect so I wasn't shocked when they said my cervix is down to a 2.0.  I was seen at the perinatal office and I was able to meet with a great high-risk pregnancy doctor immediately following the ultrasound.  Basically, there is a correlation between a shortening cervix and preterm labor.  Where I am at is actually good and even though I am not as far along as I would like to be, it does give us time to treat things and hope that my cervix stays put but even so, we probably have time.  Some women who experience this, nothing will happen - they will go full term and even late.  I also have no history of preterm labor so that also puts me in a bit of a better spot.  Even so, it's really hard to know so they play it real safe which I feel great about.

I will be on bedrest most likely from here on out.  I have also started taking progesterone which is suppose to help with the whole keeping the baby inside thing.  I will have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the baby and my cervix.  The first BIG milestone is making it to 28 weeks which I am very confident in.  Once you reach 28 weeks, if you were to go into preterm labor the likelihood for the baby's survival and a healthy survival goes up to close to 90%.  The next six weeks are important though and I think this is where I ask for help.   I do want to add, outside of the fact that my silly cervix just won't cooperate, myself and the baby are very healthy.

Rick is blessed with two jobs that are fairly flexible and will allow him to do some work from home.  This will help A TON.  We also are not only living with family currently but are living closer to Vancouver which is where Rick's parents live and Super G - Grandma has stepped up to the plate to help us out despite the fact that she already has soooo much on her plate.  We are thankful.  This baby girl is already loved deeply.

Are you uncomfortable with how many times I said cervix??  Anyway...

This is when I unabashedly ask for help.
We still could use help - so I throw this out the the blogging wind of friends and family.  If you have a deep desire to take a pretty cool 17 month old out on a date, let us know!  Play dates (in Portland) would be great too.  It helps give Rick a break when he's home and gives Ariy something to do since he probably won't be getting out as much for trips to the park, zoo, etc.  Want to bring Ariy to church with you?  That works too.  Sunday's will be interesting days around here.  I also would love to see people so if you want to do dinner at my place, great! It is very hard for me to do this as I use to be a fiercely independent women but I am quickly learning that what matters more than anything right now is this little girl and to care for her the way I want to means I need to ask for help.  Thanks for reading and praying for our little girl.  It means a whole LOT to us.

It's a girl!

In case you haven't heard the news...here is how we found out.

http://youtu.be/Of7CXqRgGjw

20 week comparison

These are the first pregnancy pics I have taken this time around.  I was sure I was a LOT bigger than my pregnancy with Ariy but these pics don't make me look so so big.  Either way, I have gained more weight at this point thank i did with Ariy so I must be somewhat bigger!!

20 weeks with Ariy:

20 weeks with mcneal baby #2:

We still need more votes on the big gender mystery!  So far I think it's 3 for boy and 1 for girl.

Adjusting and the gender vote!

This week has been a little tough.  I don't know if it's adjusting back from two weeks on the coast and 1 week in particular where Ariy could run outside ALL DAY LONG.  We literally did not play inside for an entire week. It was great but coming back to almost 100 degree weather and a mama who isn't up for sweating it out with my new found belly outside; playing inside is what we have resorted to.  Ariy is also and has been in transition from 2 naps to 1 for quite  a while.  We put him down twice a day almost every day but the second nap has not happened (at home) for a long time.  This makes for a sometimes very fussy toddler come dinner time.  Today I was going to attempt one nap and try and keep him up to about 12 but come 10:30 he and I were both done.  Days like today and yesterday and a lot of this week make it hard to imagine how another infant with a lot of needs will actually fit into the picture.  I'm excited but a bit overwhelmed.

As for more uplifting news, we find out the gender next Thursday.  I am sooo excited and want to know asap.  Do you have a guess??  Do you think we will have another boy or add a girl into the mix?

2nd Trimester Update: week 16

I follow a fair amount of blogs and I have to say I definitely get sucked in by the mommy blogs but I do like this quick and easy way to document the pregnancy.  As expected, I have not been documenting every week with this pregnancy.  I have yet to even take a picture of my pregnancy belly.  I do want to document at least a little so I have something to remember and so if baby #2 is ever interested, I actually have memories to share.  I hope to do this a few more times over the course of this pregnancy.

How many weeks pregnant: 16 weeks.

Weight gain:  About 4 or 5 lbs 

Cravings:  I haven't had a lot of cravings, mostly food aversions but because of the aversions on the days that NOTHING sounds good, I have only wanted bread and potatoes and salt. 

Food aversions:  Chicken (mostly grilled), mexican food and eggs have been the big ones.  These came on strong at the end of the 1st trimester (seems a little late?) and have lingered since.  I am getting back into eating eggs once in a while but mostly these three items are still not the most appetizing. 

How are you feeling:  Mostly great.  With Ariy there was a lot going on and I was working full time.  Based on my own memory (not always super reliable), I do feel this pregnancy is a lot easier.  I had about 4 weeks of feeling really tired in the beginning but mostly I have had decent energy and no morning sickness.  I have had weird symptoms like excess saliva and the need to chew gum all day long but not to the extreme this time of carrying around a spit cup (I know Rick was relieved).

Boy or girl:  We have scheduled the ultrasound for August 23rd.  I will be going alone and I am so torn about finding out right then and there (Rick seems to think he doesn't care if I know first) or to try and do some surprise for him or the both of us.  Ideas, let me know.  I have to say,  I am still picturing a girl and hoping for a girl but I am working on trying to get excited about two little boys and the madness that would bring.

Wearing maternity clothes:  Yes and no.  I definitely can't button my pants without being very uncomfortable so I am going strong with the little elastic trick.  I have started wearing maternity clothes mostly because of comfort and being in the stage where regular clothes just make me look like I have a little belly and not so much a baby belly.  

Overall thoughts/Updates:  I am anxious to find out the gender which I think will help this all to feel even more real.  It is so weird that long periods of time goes by where I realize I totally forgot I was pregnant.  I kind of don't like that feeling.  After much research, talking with friends and encouragement from my midwife, I have decided to attempt a VBAC as I really believe it is the healthiest decision for myself and baby.  My other hope is to go natural again, this time not so much to prove to myself I can do it (my big motivating factor last time) but because my labor was so quick last time I would rather have it move quickly along and not let an epidural stall any progress.  I was only in labor (before pushing) for about 6.5 hours.  The practice I go to really encourages VBACs to at least labor as long as possible without medication or to have none at all.  As a VBAC, they won't do anything to induce or push labor along like pitocin or even breaking my water (this one is a little up for debate but they would rather not) and sometimes an epidural can bring on more interventions so if it is 6.5 hours or less, I think I can get through it.  My other big hope is that I do not need to be induced because ultimately, if they want to get the baby out (induce) I will have a c-section.  I would love to just go into labor on my own and experience what that is like.  That is my big hope and prayer.  

2nd trimester and a new home

As of July 1st, we became Portland dwellers. We are sharing a home with my close relative Dodgie. He is basically like another grandfather to Ariy so Ariy has LOVED being able to see him every day. Our hope is that in about a year or maybe less, we can save up and be ready to buy a home. We are very thankful that Dodgie has graciously opened our house to our busy family and support us in our goals.

As for baby #2, we are getting excited but I think it is still surreal. I am about 15 weeks along and am thankful to be in the second trimester. I have to be thankful because all in all I have had a very easy pregnancy but I am happy to see a few weird symptoms slowly go away. Again, I have had lots and lots of saliva. Soooo gross and caused me to chew gum like it was my job. That has mostly stopped. Lots of food aversions. With ariy I ate eggs every day and meat and protein was no problem. It was until this week that I took the leap and successfully made some eggs and ate them. I also ate chicken this week. Mostly, I have wanted bread and French friends. Pretty much the healthiest diet you can imagine.

I am happy that despite the not so good diet, I am healthy. I have been able to stay pretty active. I've gained a total of 5 lbs in the last three months and my belly is definitely starting to look like a prego belly. My blood pressure is great so far which was the issue at the end of my pregnancy with Ariy. At this point, things look great. One thing that has been very uplifting about this pregnancy is my care. I was able to see a midwife with my last pregnancy and I was able to labor that way I wished and besides having a csection, I enjoyed my labor and delivery experience. However, having a fresh perspective and new midwife has shown me that it can even be better. I have had a lot to process given the stress of my last pregnancy and start the decision making process of how I hope to see this pregnancy go. I am so thankful to be with a midwife and practice that really supports me and who believes first and foremost, how things play out and the decisions we make is always my decision in the end. I think last time, there was a lot of fear and pressure and although those things may come into play, I believe that this time, they will remind me of my octopus and the ability to say no. Even with my care at this point, there is no pressure to come in every 2 to 4 weeks right now. I am very healthy and I can wait until the next needed appointment which is around 20 weeks. It's nice to be able to stretch things out and feel confident that I am doing good thus far. Our next appointment is August 23rd and it is also when we can find out the gender. I plan on having them write it down and finding out later. I want to do something easy but creative...if you have any suggestions let me know.

Finally, Ariy is getting more and more of a personality every day. We now live with a cat and somehow Ariy decided that when you ask "what does a cat say"? He responds with not a sound but by scrunching his nose. I just think it is so funny. Not a great video but you get the idea. In the video he is standing at the top of the stairs looking down to where the kitty lives.

 

 

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