364 days in my new job

Tomorrow marks Ariy's one year birthday. I have been thinking about the post I would like to do about and for him but I also have been thinking about the fact that I have now been a mom for almost 1 year. I am shocked honestly when I say that out loud.

I don't know if I have fully taken on my identity as a mom. I mean, I love Ariy so much and wouldn't change a thing but sometimes when I am away from him or when I go to get him from his nap, I think "wo, he is mine. Forever.". It's hard to wrap your mind around.

I think one misconception I had was that I would feel very different and ignorantly I thought I would be more complete. I had what most have when it comes to getting married; I thought Ariy would make me understand myself more. To the contrary, I have only felt those holes, insecurities and all the baggage I carry behind me become more noticeable than ever. Thankfully, Ariy pushes me to surrender those things and pursue wholeness in hopes of being the best mom I can be. I have started making steps in directions I really needed to take and have noticed so much change already.

I am a messy mom. Or maybe, I am a mom who doesn't mind mess. Ariy has fully entered tornado stage. He moves through the house with an unbelievable skill to make everything end up on the floor, in piles, dirty, and sticky. I am the Mom that mostly ignores it or becomes a twin tornado next to him. Daddy is not sure how he is liking living with two tornados.

I thrive when I am "fed.". Generally speaking, I mean socially fed but also vocationally. I need to build friendships and to get to know people. I have enjoyed pursuing friendships since being a mom. It it does take intentionality. I also notice myself feeling very insecure about how to navigate friendships now being a mom. Sometimes I can't hangout alone. Will they mind having a baby around? When I get the chance to go out on my own, will my other mommy friends want to get out too or would they be offended to know I was going out alone?! I am a better mom and wife when I get my time; whether that's working, going to a coffee shop or hanging out with friends. This is important for me and I am thankful for the family that make this possible.

I'm still every bit me. I am quirky, I love colors, I eat too much junk food but I love health, I love people, I'm deeply insecure but working on it, I enjoy working hard, I am messy, I like to laugh and I love reality singing competitions. This was all true before ariy and still true now. I am beginning to embrace the fact that I get to be my strange self and raise my child. I will love learning about his oddities and embracing the many uniqueness he has.

I love being a mom. I am very blessed. My hope for year 2 is to really embrace the title of mom. Own it. I am a mom and hear me roar or something like that. I also hope to continue to work towards wholeness realizing that I will always be me.

 

 

 

My super spiritual son

Ariy is 9 days away from being 1 years old however, he has already celebrated 2 Easters. Last year we were able come leave the hospital on Saturday afternoon, the day before Easter. I have very fond memories of our time celebrating last year. We had close family over and celebrated by holding a just days old baby. This year, we were able to attend church and have the same family over to celebrate once again. This time Ariy was moving around, enjoying his fans that have been such an important part of his life this past year.

I am really enjoying this phase of life right now. I am enjoying how much Ariy is a sponge and is learning so much every day. I am enjoying my job and new role at work simply allowing me to be support. I am thankful for a new bible study that is growing me one daily basis and thankful for a friend who is just as excited about it as I am. I am optimistic and dreaming big about Lara and my recent business venture. I often feel like Easter comes and goes and despite all my best intentions to meditate and be thankful for the freedom and life Jesus has allowed us to live, I somehow just let it pass by with one short prayer. This year I feel a bit different. I feel like I am starting to understand (again maybe) how to live life to the fullest and Easter was an amazing reminder of who to be thankful for for that gift. There is freedom in Christ.

 

11 months and finally mobile

This last month has been a bit of a whirlwind. We attempted to travel back to Massachusetts and as much as I hoped it to be a grand and full trip it was one of the hardest times we have had. Ariy either suffered from bad anxiety or he caught a virus on the plane ride out. The next day he had his first fever and never really recovered. He was not himself for a good 5 days...lots of tears and a constant need to have mommy right by his side at all times. This meant no sleep for mommy for a good week. He was happy to see daddy when Rick got out but by that time we had caught a cold and all three of us were sick. Needless to say we are glad to be back in Oregon and hope our next trip is a little ore productive. I was very sad that I only saw a very small handful of people and hope Ariy can meet more friends and family next time (or maybe when they come out here).

While we were away ariy seemed to be right on the cusp of learning handful of new things. Since coming home everyday he masters a new skill. It has been a lot of fun to interact and figure out all that he understands.

• Waves hi and bye to people. He is still very social and loves people and kids and dogs.
• Has said words like mama, dada, baba, etc.
• Bounces when you ask what a Kangaroo does.
• Opens his mouth and does his version of a roar when you ask what a lion does.
• Crawls! Finally. He also can get around pretty well nice he is standing and holding onto something.
• He is a climber.
• He has signed his first word.... Can you guess? FOOD
• He knows what bath, nap time, diaper, outside and no means.

He generally is a pretty happy guy who loves to be busy, explore the whole house, go outside, smile and wave at people, and play guitar...yes, he loves guitar.

Like every mom says, I can't believe I will have a one year old next month. Wow!

 

Sick of being sick.

 

How many places can we go with Chapmans.

Our favorite game. This day our adventures led us to Richardson's ice cream and then Patton park.

 

 

 

New year resolutions

[written early January]
I have been really excited about making resolutions this year. I think with all the changes and transition going on I am finding a lot of opportunity to create new habits and rhythms. A couple of weeks ago I got the chance to go to Rick's church. I only call it that because he worked there for almost two months before I had the chance to go (the challenge with two cars). I am not sure what it was about that Sunday but I had a lot of clarity about what this year should be about. In one word, I felt like this was a year of restoration.


[February 8]
I am coming back to this post to finish it up.  Ironically, God had plans for kickstarting my year of restoration.  I have set a few clear goals (I have many more) that I have outlined below but I think overall I have felt a heaviness on my heart.  I have felt the need to return to who I am; who God created me to be.  I think that is true restoration.  Last week, one of my closest friends, Lara Capuano flew out and surprised me.  I was shocked.  Both husbands worked hard to reunite us and I have to say it was exactly what I needed.  She has seen me in some pretty dark times but she has also celebrated with me in the small and large victories in my life.   We laughed a lot, had some serious talks and we even started a business.  Crazy!  Most importantly though, she reminded me of who I am in Christ.  She reminded me of my heart.  She reminded me of my desire to be a mom, to love my kids like crazy, of my desire to know people and have fun, of my silliness.  God timed it all very well.  Thanks to Lara, the entire Capuano family especially superdad Tom for taking care of 4 kids, and thanks to Rick for being an extremely thoughtful husband and putting up with an extreme spike in estrogen.  


I have also outlined my posts in format that Rick has created.  

Resolutions

NO hesitating to serve my husband.  Rick and I sometimes struggle at being a yes-man or yes-woman.  I desire to be more quick to say sure thing, what can I get you, would you like some, let me help, etc.

YES to friendships.  I would like to also enter at least one race this year.  More than that, I would like to pursue more quality friendships this year.  

MORE discipline.  I have gotten far away from some important habits.  More structure in my life to help me pursue my relationship with Christ better and live a healthy lifestyle (work out, eating more whole foods).

LESS junk food.  I would really like to concentrate on sugar this year.  There really is nothing great about white processed sugar and I would love to be able to eliminate it from my diet (crazy huh) and only eat things sweetened with more natural sugars (honey, agave,  pure cane, etc.)

8 Months Old and 9 Months Old

Ariy turned 9 months on December 20th.  In the midst of holiday craziness and the one of the busiest work weeks for me, I missed writing an 8 month post.  Since we just passed his 9 month bday, I decided to combine posts.  So here it goes:

• Ariy is a big boy.  He weighs 21 lbs and some oz.  He actually dropped down to the 50% for weight but still a little chunker.
• He also is very long - currently he wears anything from 6 months to 12 months but mostly 9 to 12 month clothing.  He is 29 inches.
• Ariy is trying more and more food buts likes his tried and true - he loves bananas.  He is also starting to eat puffs and teething crackers.  Just recently he has tried a handful of new finger foods including pasta, cottage cheese, cubed cheese, turkey, cubed sweet potato, broccoli, and tofu.
• Ariy loves to play with people.  He still loves new faces and is always great with other people.   He also LOVES kids. 
• Although he loves other people, if mommy is around that is who he prefers.  He is starting to show some separation anxiety but is always happy to play and be with others when mommy isn't in view.  
• Just recently Ariy has started to be able to get around a bit more. He still can't crawl but he can roll like a champ, sit up on his own, pull himself up and scooch.  Although he seems more than capable of crawling he is not interested. His FAVORITE thing to do is walk around with you holding his hands.  
• Ariy makes lots of noises but not a lot of coherent sounds.  The closest he has come is to mimicking (or accidently) saying something that sounds like "hi" and "yeah."
• At his 9 month appointment, Ariy failed 3 of his 5 development milestones (a questionnaire I had to fill out).  By the end of the appointment the Doctor said she wasn't worried at all.  He is clearly understanding things, he can communicate what he wants (walk, eat, be held) and he is just a busy guy interested in everything and everyone around him.

Just last night, we went to Red Robin with my good friend Lara.  She surprised me by flying out here all the way from NY.  It was awesome and I think Rick plans to blog about it soon.  Anyway, Red Robin himself made and appearance and Ariy was just so intrigued.  He was off at the next table over taking a picture with some kids.  Ariy, who is usually fairly quiet, gave a good squeal and yell to try and get the birds attention.  He eventually came over and Ariy just smiled and held his hand and felt his beak.  The Red Robin babysitter, the staff who walks them around so they don't trip and fall, was shocked at how comfortable such a young baby was with a huge red robin.  She said most kids that age are afraid.  I had to eventually peel Ariy's fingers off the bird so other kids could enjoy him too.  We love are friendly happy baby.  

On a side note, Lara was off hiding in the bathroom because she was terrified of the bird.  No joke.  My 9 month showed her up.

A few pics...

Common look in the back seat of the car or stroller.

8 months old..check out those thighs.

Starting to figure out rolling around means getting tangled in toys.

Father - Son playing with their toys.

9 months, just being cute in our favorite Amy Thomas sweater.