Ava Noelle: 6 Month Update

I can't believe our little lady is 6 months old.  Time is flying by and as much as I hate that, I love seeing this little one grow!  She has brought pure joy with her.  She is our little firecracker and just loves to smile and play and be in on any and all action going on.  Things to remember:

• Ava is the poster child for "averages."  (on July 22) You are 16 lbs 8 oz and 26.5 inches long.  You fit exactly in 6 month clothing.  Right on track.  I believe your head size is also average.
• You are our little owl eyed baby.  Many people comment on your eyes.  You pretty much always look stunned and wide eyed.  We love it because we love your pretty blue eyes.
• You love your paci.  You have figured out how to put it back in which is great for sleep time; you can do it on your own!
• On that note, you just recently started sleeping through the night which everyone is excited about!!  You aren't perfect by no means and you don't sleep in late like your brother but in generally we are thankful for the nice long stretch!
• You have been sitting up great for a while now.  You generally prefer to sit up now to play and often get mad when you fall over.
• You are getting close to crawling.  You can push up on all fours once and a while but you manage to spin and shimmy any direction you want.  A new round of baby proofing is on the horizon.
• You are starting to get mad when people take things away from you.  You have a tight grip but when we take it away it is often a loud yell and cry.
• You generally take 3 naps but that often turns into 2 naps and 2 cat naps because we like to get out a lot in the nice weather and go to parks or friends houses.  You love being outside. So far you have most enjoyed the sand at Discovery park in McMinnville. 
• You want everything your brother has. Its's already starting.  You have your own "buddy" the giraffe because you often want to steal your brothers.
• We mostly are doing baby led weaning in terms of food (fancy name for solid foods from the start instead of purely purees).  The purees I have tried so far didn't go over well and you just seem to like to play and munch on actual food so that's what we are doing. You have had broccoli, avocado, carrots, sweet potatoes, squash and zucchini, banana, pear and plain yogurt. 
• Your hair is without a doubt red and continues to grow especially on the top and front.  We love it!
• Although we contemplating changing your name (gasp!) before the 6 month mark we decided not to.  We love your pretty name that fits such a pretty little lady.  We love you Ava Noelle!

3 Month old Ava Noelle

Ava will be 4 months on May 11th.  I am definitely not as good at recording milestones about her and pictures as well.  I hope to get back on the bandwagon but we will see...

3 months means

• She is starting to roll over.  Not consistent but she has rolled over from belly to back a few times and back to side.
• Trying to sit up.  It's funny to see this.  Sometimes she tries to sit up from her car seat or swing.  Time to make sure we are buckling her in.
• Talking/Cooing/laughing.  She does this a lot more than Ariy did so I wonder what that means.  She also is laughing a little especially if we tickle her neck.
• Mostly consistent long sleeping stretches.  Ariy took to sleeping like a champ.  He still is a great sleeper and sleeps a lot.  Ava may be a bit different we anticipate.  She pretty regularly will go to bed between 7 and 8 and sleep until 2 or 3.  
• Big eyes.  We get a lot of comments on how aware she is.  She pretty much is sleeping or wide eyed. Her hair is also growing in a pretty bright tone of red and with her mostly full head of hair we also get a fair amount of head rubbing from strangers.  I never had that happen with Ariy but strangers love to just get a rub of her head.  Cute I guess?
• During the day she eats every 2 to 4 hours.  
• She wears 3 month clothes and was around 12 lbs at 3 months

WIDE eyes

Check out my chubby cheeks and chin

I love me some pacifier

Ava Noelle: The birth story

I have been slowly writing out my birth story for Ava.  I have a lot of great memories and attachment to this labor and process so I have struggled to figure out what I wanted to put down and felt ok with sharing.  A couple disclaimers for those reading this:  I am admittedly excited and proud that I was able to experience a successful VBAC.  I did not go into this pregnancy planning a VBAC.  I actually thought I would choose a repeat C-section.  The decision came after talking to my midwife multiple times about current research and the best decision for me and this baby as well as talking to several friends about their experience.  I also know that a large percentage of women who try for a VBAC may not be able to have one.  I actually was given a statistic along the way that my chances were around 66% positive.  There are so many factors that go into the success of this story but I was fully prepared that she may also be born via C-section like Ariy and that would be ok too.  We were just so excited to meet this baby girl of ours that the success of the VBAC was the icing on top of a pretty great cake.  Lastly, I also chose to have an umedicated birth for so many reasons including that it can increase your chance for a successful VBAC.  I will admittedly say that I think a labor with an epidural would be awesome but for me and my specific goals, I wanted to labor naturally.

Most of this story is documented in the video on Rick's blog that we made shortly after Ava Noelle's birth.  One of the best gifts from our awesome Doula Corie was a written timeline of the day.  She helped bring a little clarity to the fogginess you naturally have after labor.  

Friday, January 11th - Induction Day


7:30 am - We all arrive at the hospital. I am 40 weeks +5 days.

My good friend Lara was with Rick and I for the big day.  We were also meeting our Doula there as well.  All week I had been having on again off again contractions but every night they would disappear when I went to sleep. I was hopeful that I was far enough progressed that things would move quickly after they broke my water.


On Monday of this week I had also gone in to meet the midwife who would do this induction.  On that day she stripped my membranes and I was almost 5 cm and about 80% effaced.  The rest of the week I spent doing all kinds of things to get labor going like walking, acupuncture, tea, etc.  Finally, Friday came and we proceeded with getting my water broken (no turning around at this point).


9:00 am – membranes ruptured, 5cm, 90% effaced, -2 station, posterior cervix, baby’s head a bit transverse


The midwife came in as soon as we got there and discussed our plan to break my water and try for a VBAC.  She was hopeful but also continued to caution us that with a VBAC they will watch me close and and to keep our expectations realistic.  This just made me even more determined to have this be a successful VBAC.  When she checked me I was 5 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and the water bag was in a position that she could break so we went ahead and broke it at 9am.

9:10 am Walking commenced 

This is what I would call part 1 or scene 1 of my labor.  It may not have seemed like 2 parts for everyone else but it felt like two distinct parts for me.  The first half I will call the 5K.  Lara and I learned that the loop around the labor and delivery floor was 1/8th of a mile.  When we started walking we decided to do 1 mile (8 laps).  Things were not picking up a whole lot after the first mile so we decided we might as well walk 2 more.  For such a large labor and delivery unit, I was shocked we were the only ones walking/running around the floor.  We even got heckled by one nurses station for being the monitor that kept going off.  As we walked by them, Lara overheard one of the nurses saying "is that 223 again?"  Lara piped up as we strolled by "oh that room 223, they are terrible."  Every time we made a lap, the monitors I had to wear went out of range and started beeping at the nurses station so fortunately for them, they got to listen 24 times during our 5K.

10:25 – contractions start to pick up in strength and consistency

The first half of the labor was what I would call easy.  I was able to talk and laugh through them.  We were making jokes, doing hula dances and bouncing on the ball.  At some point between 11 and 12 I believe, things changes.  I remember a sense that things were taking a turn a verbalized it to everyone in our room.  I believe I said, "I think we are going to need to switch gears here."  From this point on, there was no more talking during contractions.  Most of this time was spent next to my bed or on the ball.  The other turning point was a little scary for me.  I believe I was standing next to my bed and all of a sudden I got a wave of light-headedness.  Others said I went pretty pale.  I remember feeling a bit scared at this moment but the feeling went away shortly after.  I definitely had the strong sense at this point that there is no turning back (duh!).

12:25 – contractions 2-3 min apart and I am having to focus and breath

12:30 – into shower while tub is prepared and in tub shortly after

My plan all along was to use the tub as pain relief.  I labored in the tub with Ariy for the majority of the time and it was how I got through.  I really wanted to wait this time until the point that I knew it would feel great getting in the tub.  At this point, contractions were getting close together and growing in intensity.  In my mind, this was only the beginning of hard labor so the tub would be were I would hang out for the next few hours (not the case).  I couldn't wait for the tub to be filled so we jumped in the shower (or waddled) for maybe 2 or 3 contractions.  By then, the tub was filled and we made a quick getaway across the hall to the room with the tub.  I will say, Ariy's tub was awesome - large jacuzzi type tub.  This was just your average tub; nothing special.

12:50 – urge to push in tub, grunting noises, I panicked thinking “She’s coming out!”

I was in the tub for no more than 15 minutes before we had to head back to the room.  Shortly after being in the tub, I started to feel the baby come down.  This is a turning point for me.  Ariy never budged.  He never descended down the birth canal.  I still had a very strong urge to push with him but after 2 hours of pushing and many different positions, he still had not moved.  Ava on the other hand, just started coming down on her own.  This was totally new for me.  I wasn't consciously pushing but my body was doing it for me and in turn, I thought she was coming right out of me.  At one point in the tub I believe I said "I think she is coming out of my butthole."  I realize that is impossible but that is what it felt like.

At this point, my Doula headed back to the room to grab the nurse (just 10 minutes after me getting in the tub).  The nurse didn't really believe her that I was pushing but once the nurse came in and got a look at me and heard me (apparently you can tell a lot by the sounds of a laboring woman - weird!) she knew it might be that time.

Before heading back over to the room, the nurse wanted to check me so they made me turn over in the tub which was the worst possible experience at that moment.  I couldn't fathom how I was going to turn over on my own and shouted for help.  Lara, being so brave, apparently jumped in the tub to help me turn over.  I don't even remember this but leggings and all, she was in with me.  The nurse checked and very quickly said, "Yep, there's the head.  Let's get back into the room."

1:00(approximately) – back to room to start pushing, contractions intense, baby right there!

Pushing. I pushed for about 45 minutes.  I used the mirror which was actually awesome.  I don't know if I originally asked for it but I was open to it and it really helped to be able to see the progress we were making.  After getting back into the room, it was only a couple pushes until we could see her head continuously.  Pushing was hard.  It is such a mind game.  As contractions came on, all I wanted to do was jump out of my body and run away but if I could psych myself up and get into it and push with my body, it was so satisfying to feel and see her move down.   

1:49pm – Baby girl born! 

With some good help from the midwife who apparently was anything but gentle, Ava was born at 1:49pm just under 5 hours after having my water broke.  I had a very small tear but nothing bad which I was thankful for; that was something I was really nervous about.  My favorite part of her birth was the sound of the room when she came out.  Pretty much everyone let out a hooray!  There was a lot of people in the room rooting for this birth to happen like it did and we all celebrated afterwards.  Apparently, everyone shed a few tears.  I think I was in shock for a good while after the whole experience   It was so drastically different from my labor with Ariy and for that I "loved" every moment of it.  Yes, it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Yes, it was painful and a bit crazy.  It was totally worth it.

2:15 – Apgar of 9 and 9, baby crying, eyes wide open, intact placenta, baby had chubby cheeks, good color and lots of hair.  Everyone cleaned up and happy!

Thank you to Corie for being a great Doula.  I believe that part of my success in all this was having the constant support I had from Corie.  She was excited and confident in this VBAC and also was willing and wanting to journey through the up's and down's of this pregnancy with me.  She helped me to go into this birth with a lot more confidence then I would of had without her.  I think this was crucial to such a positive outcome.

Thank you to Lara (Capuano).  Her friendship is very special to me.  We have always been close even though our relationship has pretty much been long distance for the majority of it's time.  We have been able to experience the big milestones in each others lives but this was the first birth either of us had been there for.  She was an amazing support to me during labor.  I did a lot of nuzzling into her neck and shoulder even though I said I was not sure I would want to be touched (so much for that).  She also took great care of Ariy and helped Rick and I transition back to home post-hospital.  We wouldn't of wanted it any other way Lara. Thanks sacrificing your time, money and energy to come all the way out to Portland for this special time.

A BIG thank you to my husband.  Rick has been pretty amazing through this whole process.  I have had some major anxiety about having two kiddos.  He has made it a lot more doable and has been a pretty awesome daddy to Ariy and Ava.  Rick would not say that labor is something he enjoys, he would not sign up for that again.  He was always right there though and ready to do whatever was needed.  After Ava was born, you could see the love he had for her instantly.  I sometimes like to think I am or could be super women and do it all on my own if need be but there is not way I could of had the outcome I did with Ava's birth and a relatively smooth transition home without the support I have been receiving from Rick.  Thank you for being a great daddy and husband.  You are loved.

LOTS of other people were important to this story including many friends and family members.  Thank you all for your generosity and support.  We couldn't do it without family and community.

The play by play.

Yesterday was project "natural induction day."  I went in to have the "sweep" in the morning with the midwife.  Later that day I went for my second session of acupuncture.  I drank a few cups of red raspberry leaf tea and I spent some time walking the mall in the evening.  It all led to some pretty strong contractions later that evening but as usually once I go to bed they all pretty much go away.  The next few days we wait.  If Friday morning rolls around, we go in at 7:30am to have my water broken.  I am already at a 5 or so and ready to go says the midwife so this should go quick.

If you are actually following this saga, keep your eyes peeled on Rick's blog for the official announcement.  He will probably put one up fairly soon after we have her.  His blog can be found here.

A few random pics from this past Sunday.  Football Sunday of course.  I am experimenting with a new camera so not great shots quality but...

40 weeks today! This is the week...

I am pretty sure today will come and go without a baby but I have felt pretty prepared for this to happen.  I also have a lot to look forward to this week which definitely includes meeting our baby girl; either way there is an end to this part of the journey and I am looking forward to it.

So here is the update.  As of Friday I am pretty much a 4 dilated, 70-80% effaced and just ready to go.   I haven't experienced much change over the past couple weeks and my midwife believes I am just really close and ready to go and not much will change until active labor starts.

The plan is this - we try some more gentle natural ways to get things going.  I did my first acupuncture session yesterday.  It was actually pretty great.  In all I was there for 2 hours - way longer than I expected; I think I might of fallen asleep.  There are two spots on your hands and ankles that are suppose to help get things going and I believe release oxytocin in your body.  They put a few needles in other places but the sets in those particular spots, they hooked up to a little electrode thing that I could control and increase a current as I felt comfortable.  It was really interesting and I mostly just tried to relax and let it do it's thing.  I have felt a lot stronger contractions since and just a whole lot of pressure.  Sometimes this works the first time around but many people do a couple sessions but there are numerous studies from eastern and western countries to show that acupuncture is a very effective way to induce labor.  I may do another session tomorrow afternoon after my meeting with the midwife.

I also have been drinking  a lot of red raspberry leaf tea which is suppose to do something with the uterus.

Tomorrow morning I go in to have my membranes swept.  I really feel a tad uncomfortable saying that.  Again, for some this is enough to get things moving along.

The final and last resort will be going in on Friday to have my water broke as a means of inducing.  My body is already ready to go and this is how I was induced the first time so there is a strong likelihood that this should work.  The risk obviously is there is no turning back.  Once we break my water and must have her in some way shape or form.

Here are a couple pics of me at 40 weeks!  This has been a much different pregnancy and I think I look a lot different this time around.  I am so curious to see how big she is when we meet her this week.

39.5 weeks with Ariy

 

An update, some snow pics, and a few labor questions...

I am now 37.5 weeks and totally in the clear.  Our baby girl is looking healthy and can come at anytime.  I am currently at a 3 and 80% and ready to go says midwife.  It could be tonight or 3 weeks from now but either way, everyone is predicting a fast labor which I will take.  Our life has been a little crazy lately and I am sure one we are more "settled" we will give an official life update but for now I will say every major change that could happen is happening or going to happen.  It's crazy how everything seems to collide around the same time.  Rick has to travel tonight and will be gone for less than 24 hours and the big hope is that this little girl doesn't surprise us tonight while he is gone.  My midwife said I should try hard not to be up and walk too much just to be on the safe side because she doesn't think he would make it back in time.  Thanks again to everyone who has supported us lately and through this bed rest ordeal; we are thankful to be on the other side and officially be in the "waiting" game.

Yesterday morning it snowed here in Portland and Ariy loved playing in it.  Here are a few pics:

For those mommy's out there.  I have a couple questions.  I am hoping for a VBAC and was induced 5 days after Ariy's due day via breaking my water.  He needed to come out because my blood pressure was creeping up.  This time around, my biggest hope is simply to go into labor on my own.  I would love a successful VBAC but more than that I really don't want to end up being induced.  Did any of you do anything to get labor going?  What did you try?  Did you feel like anything actually worked?

36 Week Update

I always am a bit nervous when I write these.  I do know that people actually read them but I also just write so I have things documented somewhere.  I have often looked back at my pregnancy of Ariy via the blog.  I never know if I am writing too much info but I know that when I look back, I want to know as much as possible.  Anyway, that is my disclaimer for these updates.  They may be interesting to you or not at all.

First things first - we made it!  I hit 36 weeks yesterday and I am feeling very confident this baby has packed on some pounds recently and would do just fine if she entered the world.  Next Sunday, she will even be considered full term.  There is no stopping labor now if it were to happen.

Weight gain:  yes!  I didn't gain weight for a long time while on bed rest.  I sat at a stand still for close to 2 months which started to really worry me but no one else seemed to be concerned.  Well, the last month I have fully caught up.  I am pretty sure I have hit the 25 pound mark this week.

Blood pressure:  So far so good with this one.  I am pretty paranoid about this happening again and with Ariy it started going up sometime in the next week or so.  If this happens, there is a slight chance we will have to be induced and if I am far enough along we will try breaking my water like we did with Ariy.  Hopefully this does not happen though!

Overall feelings:  I feel pretty good.  Getting back on my feet has been slow.  I wanted to try and take it easy until 36 weeks and for the most part I did.  My body kind of forced me to slow down a few times.  I just get so sore from not being used to being up on my feet.

Dilation/Effacement:  As of a week ago I was 2cm, 50% effaced and -2 station if you know what any of that means.  Things are moving right along.  I am a lot further ahead then where I was with Ariy but that can also be normal for a second baby.

Meds:  I am done!!  woo hoo.  I'm so curious to see how this effects things this week.  When I started on the progesterone around 22 weeks I was having a lot of contractions - what I assumed were braxton hicks but since my cervix was shortening they could of actually been doing something.  The progesterone helps to relax your uterus so it doesn't contract so much.  It made a very big difference within days.  I have had more contractions the last couple weeks being up more but now that I am off it I wonder what will happen.

Am I ready?  The last day or so I have started to get excited to meet her and have her out.  I have also had a fair amount of anxiety about having two kiddos.  We are in tight quarters here and I am nervous to go through this adjustment in the midst of a lot of transition going on for us.  I know it will all work out just fine but I would say this time around I have a lot more nerves than I did with Ariy.

Name?  None yet.  We have some ideas and general ideas about naming her but no name specifically.  We will wait until she's born.

Being Thankful + some Shout-Outs!

Warning: Long blog post!

Today I am very thankful that our little baby girl is 34 weeks old.  This was the long term goal through the entire pre-term labor worries.  When I first met with the high risk OB around 22 weeks, I asked her" what is our goal? "  "When can we feel really good about things?"  34 weeks was her answer.  I had a lot of up's and down's while being on bed rest but in my heart I always felt that I would reach 34 weeks but actually reaching it makes me very thankful.  Basically, at this point her chance of survival and long-term health is around the same as any baby born later or full-term.  Some babies at this time come out and still spend a month in the NICU while others only have to spend 1 to 2 days.  The development can range a bit but there is not the same worry of being able to survive, especially in terms of breathing on their own.  Very Thankful! AND....we will meet her sometime in the next 6 weeks!

So since I am 34 weeks, my hugeness is only getting worse.  I think I grow everyday which doesn't help when it comes to sleeping. My normal sleep pattern is fall asleep around 9 or 10 and wake up in middle of the night for my first potty break.  The difficult part is falling back asleep - I am usually awake for a good 1-2 hours at this point and I usually just do a lot of thinking about nothing.  The last few nights I have been making a mental list of everything and everyone I am thankful for especially over the past few months.  So without further ado:

I am so thankful for:

My husband
Rick is definitely the right guy for me and sometimes I forget in the little things but the last 3 months have reminded me of what I have.  I have a man that is so committed to me and will love me no matter what and will NEVER back out.  I think I bring plenty of baggage to this marriage and probably the most obvious is a deep fear of being left to do things on my own.  Rick never questioned his role in all of this.  He immediately talked with his bosses, adjusted his schedule to be home more and was my constant accountability that I needed to take care of this little girl and stay down.  I don't think this was an easy time for him especially when I acted like a back-seat parent 99% of the time and asked for water every 15 minutes but I can't think of one time that he out right complained.  So for him, I am very thankful!

Ariy - my little man
He is so special and even starting to type this I am tearing up.  I can't believe the love you can have for a child but it often hurts inside when I think too much about it.  He has adjusted so well and despite going back and forth between our house and the Grandparents, he has been so flexible and his normal happy goofy self.  He has made me smile every day.  Every night we read books together and cuddle before he goes to bed.  This is a time I look forward to and I have loved his special hugs and kisses and showing me he loves me no different even though I have been a different mama to him over the past 3 months.

Grandma, Grandpa and Papa Dodgie
To say we couldn't of done it the past 3 months without these folks is an understatement.  I am sure we would of figured something out; maybe Ariy would sit and watch movies all day and learn to feed himself but seriously, they loved him and stepped up without questions.  I am so thankful to have family here that love us so actively.  I never feel bad asking for help which if you know much about me is HUGE.  Thank you to the grandparents for all the time and energy sacrificed and especially for just loving Ariy so well.

Dot Tobey
Dot was originally a college and camp staff friend of Rick's but shortly after I started working at Fox, her and I became coworkers and friends.  She just so happens to live a half a mile from our house and my friendship with her has grown past my husband's college friend and my coworker.  She is a true friend and has been very committed to helping us through this time; so committed that every Sunday she has woken up early to come and get Ariy out of bed at 8am, play with him, feed him breakfast and just be an amazing friend.  She has also become one of the only friends here that I never feel shy to call or send a billion text messages to and I won't be bugging her.  Thank you Dot!

Lissa Forbes (and Nate, Charlotte and Olivia)
One of the hardest parts of going on bedrest for me was the initial feelings of being lonely and isolated.  I generally stay pretty busy with Ariy but being bound to the bed made me start to really evaluate who I had around here.  I have struggled to develop friendships out here that are long lasting, mutual, transparent and where I truly feel myself.  I have realized this for some time but it wasn't until this trial that I realized I really need to remedy this.  I am a social person and friends have always been like family to me so to feel like I didn't know who specifically to go to was difficult.  My friendship with Lissa has only grown stronger since being on bedrest and I feel like perhaps this was one "gift" from this whole ordeal.  Not only has our friendship grown deeper but she has been amazingly generous with her time towards our family. She either came to our house or we went to her house once a week for the past 2 months.  This day has been one that Ariy and I both have looked forward to.  Ariy LOVED playing with his friends and I of course liked playing with my friend.  Thanks Lissa for what you have given all of us over the past couple months!!!

Jen Morgan and PCC church folks
Another difficult aspect of this time has been food or cooking.  Rick has mastered pasta but outside of that, I wouldn't say he is the most gifted chef.  Jen was quick to organize meals for us and families from Portland Community Church provided them for us 1-2 times a week.  This was AMAZING.  Every meal we received was delicious and made with a lot of thought.  One woman even made us 5 frozen crockpot dinners.  We are just now eating the last one.  I can't say thank you enough for this service.  Thank you to all the families who brought us a meal!  Jen also was so gracious to come help me clean one morning.  I am thankful for her servant and thoughtful heart!

My east coast friends and family (and facebook)
Dare I say I am thankful for facebook.  On all the bed rest forums I am a part of, it is apparent that women on bed rest spend too much time online and on facebook.  I am guilty as charged however, it is because when you are feeling lonely and needing encouragement, any and all messages, comments and interaction mean so much!  I am thankful for all the phone calls and texts from friends.

I am just thankful for every single person that had a word of encouragement or the ability to give and help us out during this time.  There were many other people who stepped in to play with Ariy, take him to the Zoo, brought us a meal, or simply just came by to say hello.  We are so grateful to everyone who got us through this season of life with success!  Thank you!

1 week left!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be 34 weeks next Sunday and that is my official "it's mostly safe to be off bedrest" day.  I will still rest a lot up until about 36 or 37 weeks but I feel pretty confident that I can sit upright more, get out once or twice, drive myself to the doctor and overall feel a little more "normal."

A little embarrassing (and a 32 week update).

The camera on my computer does not seem to have a timer on it so I tried really hard to take a few pics but it was a little difficult to press the button and pose at the same time so I caved and made a short video of myself.  so much fun.  I haven't recorded my growing belly at all this pregnancy partly because I look hideous most days, rarely shower and don't bother to put on a decent outfit because I am strapped to my bed.  Today was a doctors visit day which equals real clothes and a shower!

The Update:  I am 32 weeks and 2 days!

• Only 2 more weeks of bed rest!  At 34 weeks I am free to do as I wish.  The goal being that she stays in until at least 37 weeks though.  I plan on starting to be active but watching my body and resting when I can.  I will stay on my meds until 36 weeks.
• I am done seeing the specialist - the perinatologist which I can never spell or say right.  Starting in 2 weeks, I go see the midwives at the practice I go to.  There are 9 total and whoever is on call when I go to the hospital will be the one to deliver the baby.
• I am still planning a VBAC at this point.  I can only go a week past my due date and ideally I go into labor on my own.  There is a chance if I am late (which would be crazy after all of this) that I would just have my water broken to get things going.  
• My weight jumped up a bit this week which is not surprising and maybe good.   For whatever reason, my weight has not changed dramatically since being on bed rest.  I have had a few days in the past couple weeks where I feel hungry ever hour or so so I am not surprised a gained a bit.
• Baby looks good and is head down now.  I think she is probably there to stay.  She is super active and her jabs have even been painful a few times.  
• I feel so shallow but the FIRST thing I want to do when I am off of bed rest is drive!, maybe get starbucks and go to a store; maybe Target or a kids consignment store.  I just can't wait to be out.
• The SECOND thing I want to do is take out our Christmas decorations and go with the fam to Portland Zoo Lights which I have been looking forward to going to for 5 years!  I am still a bit disappointed that the animals are not dressed in lights but I think it will still be a good time.

Made it to 30 weeks!

Yesterday I turned 30 weeks which is exciting.  It feels like the home stretch at this point.  It's a bit of a weird place for us to be right now because realistically my body is showing signs of labor so the baby could very well be here in 6 or 7 weeks which feels like no time or it could be another 2.5 months as our due date is January, 6th.  It is just a guessing game.

The official update:  I am finished with having ultrasounds to check my cervical length.  At this point, it is normal for any pregnant woman to have a cervix that slowly shortens so checking for just length is not as important. I had my second to last perinatal visit today.  I will see the perinatologist at 32 weeks and then at 34 weeks I go back to exclusively seeing the midwives as they will be who will deliver the baby.  Most everything looked good today.  I am dilated to a 1 at this point which means I need to stop bedrest cheating.  I may or may not of been getting up more recently and picking Ariy up.

I have four more weeks of bedrest.  I am so anxious and excited to reach that marker.  I have actually been feeling a bit better lately which makes bedrest that much more difficult.  I have to stop cheating for another few weeks to ensure that she doesn't come before 34 weeks but the doctor is more than confident I will make it that far.

I also had to go through VBAC counseling with the perinatologist.  They just explain the requirements to be able to be a candidate, the liklihood of success, the process and risks.  I am a very good candidate based on my labor and surgery with Ariy but the fact that Ariy never descended during pushing does lessen the likelihood of success.  What would improve it would be to have a smaller baby.  Ariy was 8lb 8oz so a bit on the larger size :)  In the end, the doctor said this could work out to my advantage.  She said the ideal week would be 37 weeks because she would be full term, most likely have no NICU time, normal hospital stay time and a smaller baby!  So for now, that is the prayer that I go into labor a bit earlier.  A pre-christmas baby.  But really, who knows.  Some women in my shoes will go full term and even late, it is just a major guessing game.  If I do go past my due date and don't go into labor on my own, there is a chance I could just have my water broken like I did with Ariy or I would have an elective repeat c-section.

Ariy is really into dragging around the largest and heaviest item he possibly can.  This day it was luggage. 

He loves to drive in the grocery store cars when he goes shopping with Grandma.

His "buddies" or giraffes go everywhere with him these days.  He sleeps with them, snuggles with them, feeds them, gives them drinks and even blows his nose on them.  True  love.

Practicing for baby sister.

Drinking healthy smoothies with Grandma.  Loves it!

Half way there!

Today I am 28 weeks and I have been on bedrest for just over 6 week with 6 weeks left to go!  I am very excited to be at this point and have less weeks in front of me.  I think it will help make time go by faster.  To celebrate I thought I would share all the things I have and have NOT done in the last 6 weeks of my bedrest life.

This may be a little too much information for some.

• I have not gone to a store in 6 weeks.  No grocery shopping or anything.
• I have not cooked a real meal - heating up food doesn't really count.
• I have worn the same 5 items of clothing.  They have been washed a few times along the way.
• I have showered maybe 6 or 7 times.  I apologize - this is probably the grossest.
• I have lost all muscle mass.
• I sadly have only finished one book and am still in the middle of 2.  You would think I would be more productive but not so much.
• I have had 5 doctors appointments and 4 ultrasounds.
• I have not drive a car in 6 weeks.
• I have had dessert more than I ever have in my life.  I feel a little guilty about this one.
• I have watched almost 4 seasons of a highly popular but controversial show.  I might be too embarrassed to share the name.
• I have received one awesome care package, 4 hand delivered chais or lattes, 5 homemade meals and 7 awesome visitors. 

28 Week Update

Today I am 27 weeks and 5 days.  I will be 28 weeks on Sunday.  Meeting this goal is exciting because 90% of babies born at 28 weeks or close after will survive and 90% will survive AND be healthy.  The next big goal is 34 weeks when it jumps up to 99%.  At that point, they will not try and stop labor if I were to go into pre-term labor but we are all hopeful and very optimistic that I will make it to 34 weeks.

This was the first appointment where my cervix actually stayed the same. It was not any shorter and even creeped back up to a 2 (two weeks ago the highest was a 1.8 I believe) at times during the measurement process.  I have also really started to gauge my threshold for getting up and moving around and know when it is effecting my cervix and uterus.   My threshold is basically doing nothing - nothing at all including meals.  I have gone down to just going to the bathroom; the basics.  It seems to be working so we will keep at it for another 6 weeks.

Currently I am doing my "normal" appointments with my midwife as well as seeing the perinatologist.  I generally have an appointment every week between the two but sometimes I will randomly have a week off.  I will most likely see the peri 3 more times until I reach 34 weeks and then my care goes completely back to the midwives until we have the baby since after 34 weeks they will be the ones to deliver in the hospital with me (as opposed to the peri). 

I also get to stop with all the ultrasounds - woo hoo!  I have actually really enjoyed watching her growth and having so many pictures of her (see below) before she is even out of the womb but it also makes for long appointments (about 2 hours) and too much stimulus around a sensitive cervix is not awesome from this point forward.  

I am really torn about how I feel about time right now.   I really want it to go by quickly so I can be off bed rest and checking things off my pre-baby to-do list but I also don't think I am quite ready to jump into having 2 babies and potentially that is what will happen.  I get off bed rest and a week or two later I have 2 babies.  That just sounds a little overwhelming.

Here is the latest picture of our baby girl. 

26 week update

Last week I had my regular midwife appointment and today I had my ultrasound and perinatology appointment.  These appointments are fun and stressful all at the same time.  I love seeing our baby girl at all of these ultrasounds.  I never had ultrasounds past 20 weeks with Ariy so its fun to be able to see her grow and start to look like a real baby.  At the same time, the perinatologist who is basically a high risk OB, works exclusively with women who have high risk or potentially high risk pregnancies.  This can really range but I know some women go there and get really bad news.  Today as I was waiting for my ride to pick me up, a young mom, I am guessing around 26 weeks as well came out crying.  I didn't hear much of her conversation other than that she was being sent over to the hospital.  It can just be stressful.  I am thankful that so far me and baby look really good (minus the whole cervix issue - update below).

How many weeks pregnant: 26 weeks on Sunday

Weight gain:  7 - 10 lbs.  The weird yet depressing phenomenon has been my weight going down or staying the same since being on bed rest.  All this really means is I am losing muscle which makes me sad.

Cravings: I don't know if this counts because I do have a strong affinity for all things fall but I have been very excited lately about anything pumpkin including cookies, lattes, cake, bagels, etc.

Food aversions:  Still not feeling mexican food.  

Boy or girl:  Baby girl!!  She currently weighs 1 lb 11 oz and is in the 40% for weight at this gestation.  I didn't even know those charts existed for this age (before birth).

Wearing maternity clothes:  oh yeah.  I actually put all my maternity clothes in one of my dresser drawers and I live out of that one drawer.  Honestly, I rarely change my clothes unless I get to go on a big outing like to the doctors!!

Overall thoughts/Updates: I found out today that my cervix is still shortening (effacing).  It was as low as a 1.5cm during the ultrasound.  I went in knowing this would be the case.  My body is very sensitive and getting up and down too much triggers a lot of pre-term labor symptoms which equals Not Good.  Yesterday I just did too much and I knew it; while in process of doing too much I knew it.  You may be thinking, well "why do you get up then?"  I don't know.  All I know is this has been very difficult for me. I know I am stubborn and I realize I am putting this baby at risk but for whatever reason I have a hard time stopping myself and letting anyone else stop me (except for Rick usually). This is probably one of the hardest things I have had to deal with for some time  and I know in the long run I will look back and say that really wasn't that bad.  I don't know why exactly it is so hard for me but emotionally I am like a major rollercoaster right now.  

I am still feeling good about where we are going but prayer is definitely a welcome activity.  The next two weeks I am in bed, no getting out except to pee and poop pretty much.  My short term goal is 28 weeks so I just need to chill out and hand over control until then.  Ariy will be ok, my marriage will be ok, this baby will be ok.  Once we hit 28 weeks the likelihood of her survival goes way up and we can breath just a little more.  

Thank you all who have prayed and just supported us during this time.  I have needed every phone call, text, visitor, mail, nail polish, books and encouragement that I have been given.  Thank you!!!  

Quit complaining.

Things I hate:

• Feeling like I am complaining constantly
• Having to ask for help
• Forcing attention on me

But this is how I feel ALL THE TIME right now.  I don't know what it is about laying around all the time and not being able to fill my normal roles but man, this is hard.  Way harder than I expected.  I am still hopeful and optimistic this is all going to get way easier but I am really struggling to cope at this point.

I am also pregnant which means I am extra emotional.  I am also taking a hormone nightly which can add to general mood swings.  This just doesn't help.  I have a feeling I will come back to these thank you lists because everyday I run through it in my head over and over again so I can stay relatively positive and sane.

So for today...things I am Thankful for lately:

• Family, friends and church that are making this all doable without having to hire anyone to help with Ariy and other needs.
• Ariy being so resilient and happy.  It's hard to do this having him but I can't imagine doing it without him.  He always makes me happy and I enjoy are cuddle times and tickle times (in bed).
• Lissa coming to visit.  I had my first real visitor this week and it was AWESOME.  She was so helpful and sooo generous bringing 2 meals AND playing and loving on Ariy.  I think Ariy loved having a friend to play with so thank you Charlotte (Lissa's daughter).
• Dot being more than fine with my needy-won't-you-come-over texts.
• Friends from the east coast calling, texting and fbing.  I miss them all so much right now.
• The ability to use this time for things like journaling, prayer and reading scripture.  All things that have struggled to remain daily habits in my life.
• Baby girl doing great and so active.

One of the harder days this week was Ariy having a cold that irritated his airway so much he woke up from a nap struggling to breath.  I freaked out.  He has an inhaler but I haven't used it for almost 6 months and couldn't remember how much to give him or when or anything.  The whole episode was really difficult for me as it obviously scared me to see him like that but also to feel helpless.  I am not allowed to be the mom I want to be for him right now.  I hate that.  

There is so much going on right now in so many families.  I know of a lot of heartache and sickness and am reminded that currently I have two very healthy babies and great community.  I seriously have nothing to complain about but despite this I somehow keep jumping in and out of this dark hole.  

I am sure I will look back at this and think oh no big deal Christine.  Come on.  It was all worth it, right?

Update

I had another ultrasound this past Wednesday and things look relatively the same.  My cervix has shortened by .2 mm so I am at a 2.0 right now (I was at a 2.2 the week before).  The rate at which it was shortening went way down so the doctors think this is working.  I should expect to do this until 34 weeks depending upon how the baby looks at that point.  That puts us at early December.

1 week down, who knows how many to go.

I have a feeling I might end up blogging more over the next few months.  I am trying to get in a routine and mostly just think of things to fill my do and I enjoy recording memories on the blog.

Tomorrow is my follow up ultrasound to see how my cervix is doing since going on progesterone and bedrest. I am really hopeful it has stayed put and has not shortened much.  I have noticed a HUGE difference since spending my days lying around.  The pressure, contractions and back pain/ache are almost non-existent as long as I don't stand up.  This is a very good sign but regardless, your cervix doesn't usually grow longer and I won't be getting off bedrest until viability of life is a lot hire for our little girl.  Last week the doctor said, at longest (and I think most likely) I will be on bedrest and progesterone until week 34.  This is when they consider the baby term and at a point that she would do well.  For many reasons, this length could be longer or shorter but for now that is my long term goal in my head.  Sooo, 1 week down and 11 to go.  When I see it that way it doesn't look quite so bad.

I am hoping to go back to making lists frequently so I can remember to be thankful and joyous during this time.

Things I am thankful for (in my first week of bedrest)

• Feeling more confident that the baby is safe and overall feeling a lot more comfortable
• Friends, family and church being so gracious and caring for us and Ariy especially
• Ariy getting more quality time with "Dada."  I can tell he LOVES it.
• Seeing Rick really step up despite being in midst a busy season for him.  He has been very thoughtful and aware of my needs as well as Ariy's. Loving us well.
• A new season of Ellen.  I won't lie, this gets pretty lonely but Ellen made me laugh and cry yesterday which I needed.
• More time to think, read, do online projects, etc.
• Journal - I haven't journaled in years.  Glad to be getting back into it.
• Ariy being so resilient so far.  He gets the hint that mama has to lie down a lot but he seems to be ok with it so far.

Things that are not easy:

• Creating a routine/schedule that I stick to.  I try and set goals of one or two things to accomplish each day but I will be honest, a lot of my day is simply doing a lot of nothing.
• Watching Ariy play or have a hard time and not being able to jump up and help in the situation.  This is really hard.  Letting go of control and letting others be the primary parents right now is so hard.
• Feeling like my muscle is wasting away, which it is.  I weigh myself last week when I was at my doctors appointment.  This was before I was on full bed rest but I had lost 5 lbs from my weigh in 2 weeks before.  I mentioned this to my midwife and she said thats totally normal (but depressing).
• Feeling bored and lonely.  This is only the first week and I think it will get better but I am used to getting out of the house often even if it is only to go to the park with Ariy.  Just laying in bed or on the couch all day gets to you after a while.  I miss seeing people even if they are just strangers at the park or grocery store.  

Why pregnancy and I don't get along: a lesson in asking for help.

I have been waiting to post anything because we have had a little bit of waiting going on around here to see just how things would pan out.  Before I jump right in to a detailed updated, I should warn that I will talk openly about my cervix.  I am guessing probably the only time in my life I will feel the need to share so  much about my woman parts.

Anyway, I am currently 22 weeks pregnant; I will be 23 weeks this weekend.  At my 20 week anatomy ultrasound, the technician noticed that my cervix did not look exactly right.  She thought it looked shorter than where it should be at this point.  If you don't know, your cervix (if your a woman) is the tunnel basically that essentially separates the outside world and the baby.  If you want a more detailed explanation and diagram check out this site.  When you go into labor, your cervix both thins and shortens (called ephasing) and opens up (dilates).  At this point in the process, your cervix should be hard, closed and LONG.  Mine looks great except it's short.  On average women should be around a 3-4cm (up to 5 even) at 20 weeks and I was at a 2.8.  Not terrible but still on the lower end.  The plan of action was wait two weeks, reduce my physical activity and go back in for another ultrasound to remeasure the length.  Ideally, it would just stay the same or get longer.

I am not sure if it was my reduced activity or the changes that were occurring in my body but during the last two weeks I felt like I gained months onto my pregnancy.  I have been increasingly uncomfortable, lower back pain, and lots of pressure, plus some days I had a fair amount of braxton hicks contractions. I knew this was all a bad sign but was just anxious for the follow up appointment to know what was happening.  The day before my appointment,  I had a bit of a breakdown. I knew that things would be changing, that I would most likely be on bedrest, that I couldn't be the mom to Ariy that I want to be right now, that I would need to depend on others, and that this little baby girl could be in danger.  Fear kind of took over and the poor receptionist at my doctors office got the brunt of it when I called sobbing.  The next day (wednesday) I went in for my follow up ultrasound.

I was in a much better place by the time I went into my appointment yesterday.  I knew what to expect so I wasn't shocked when they said my cervix is down to a 2.0.  I was seen at the perinatal office and I was able to meet with a great high-risk pregnancy doctor immediately following the ultrasound.  Basically, there is a correlation between a shortening cervix and preterm labor.  Where I am at is actually good and even though I am not as far along as I would like to be, it does give us time to treat things and hope that my cervix stays put but even so, we probably have time.  Some women who experience this, nothing will happen - they will go full term and even late.  I also have no history of preterm labor so that also puts me in a bit of a better spot.  Even so, it's really hard to know so they play it real safe which I feel great about.

I will be on bedrest most likely from here on out.  I have also started taking progesterone which is suppose to help with the whole keeping the baby inside thing.  I will have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the baby and my cervix.  The first BIG milestone is making it to 28 weeks which I am very confident in.  Once you reach 28 weeks, if you were to go into preterm labor the likelihood for the baby's survival and a healthy survival goes up to close to 90%.  The next six weeks are important though and I think this is where I ask for help.   I do want to add, outside of the fact that my silly cervix just won't cooperate, myself and the baby are very healthy.

Rick is blessed with two jobs that are fairly flexible and will allow him to do some work from home.  This will help A TON.  We also are not only living with family currently but are living closer to Vancouver which is where Rick's parents live and Super G - Grandma has stepped up to the plate to help us out despite the fact that she already has soooo much on her plate.  We are thankful.  This baby girl is already loved deeply.

Are you uncomfortable with how many times I said cervix??  Anyway...

This is when I unabashedly ask for help.
We still could use help - so I throw this out the the blogging wind of friends and family.  If you have a deep desire to take a pretty cool 17 month old out on a date, let us know!  Play dates (in Portland) would be great too.  It helps give Rick a break when he's home and gives Ariy something to do since he probably won't be getting out as much for trips to the park, zoo, etc.  Want to bring Ariy to church with you?  That works too.  Sunday's will be interesting days around here.  I also would love to see people so if you want to do dinner at my place, great! It is very hard for me to do this as I use to be a fiercely independent women but I am quickly learning that what matters more than anything right now is this little girl and to care for her the way I want to means I need to ask for help.  Thanks for reading and praying for our little girl.  It means a whole LOT to us.

It's a girl!

In case you haven't heard the news...here is how we found out.

http://youtu.be/Of7CXqRgGjw

20 week comparison

These are the first pregnancy pics I have taken this time around.  I was sure I was a LOT bigger than my pregnancy with Ariy but these pics don't make me look so so big.  Either way, I have gained more weight at this point thank i did with Ariy so I must be somewhat bigger!!

20 weeks with Ariy:

20 weeks with mcneal baby #2:

We still need more votes on the big gender mystery!  So far I think it's 3 for boy and 1 for girl.

Adjusting and the gender vote!

This week has been a little tough.  I don't know if it's adjusting back from two weeks on the coast and 1 week in particular where Ariy could run outside ALL DAY LONG.  We literally did not play inside for an entire week. It was great but coming back to almost 100 degree weather and a mama who isn't up for sweating it out with my new found belly outside; playing inside is what we have resorted to.  Ariy is also and has been in transition from 2 naps to 1 for quite  a while.  We put him down twice a day almost every day but the second nap has not happened (at home) for a long time.  This makes for a sometimes very fussy toddler come dinner time.  Today I was going to attempt one nap and try and keep him up to about 12 but come 10:30 he and I were both done.  Days like today and yesterday and a lot of this week make it hard to imagine how another infant with a lot of needs will actually fit into the picture.  I'm excited but a bit overwhelmed.

As for more uplifting news, we find out the gender next Thursday.  I am sooo excited and want to know asap.  Do you have a guess??  Do you think we will have another boy or add a girl into the mix?