Mother's Day Reflections

This day has become a really special day. I think once you become a mom a lot of things fall into perspective.  I imagine all the grandma's find some satisfaction looking on watching their daughters go through what they went through in the process of raising them.  They know that maybe now they understand just an ounce of what it was like to pour your heart into another human being and constantly hope that your best will pay off in the end.

I don't actually know who reads this blog so I don't know who my audience is but for now this will just be for the purpose of getting these thoughts out.

My mom passed away 8 years ago.  I can't even believe it has been that long because I don't feel that "far" away from her.  Although, my friends and family on the east coast know her well.  It's hard to forget a character like Ernestine; many of my new friends and the family I have on the west coast know very little.  I will freely share when questions are asked but I think when people realize that you don't have a mom they quickly become careful as to where to navigate the conversation.  I love my mom a great deal.  Even writing that makes me tear up.  I want to talk about her, I want to remember her and I want her to be a part of my childrens lives. I hope to carry on her spirit which is so memorable as long as those memories are spoken of. She was a mess and had her fair share of baggage that may or may not of caused permanent scars but she loved like a mad women.  Without a doubt, I know that she was crazy about me and she would support me in anything I did or became.  She just chose to love me unconditionally and I have not felt love like that since.  It's a mothers love.

I am so happy to now experience what it means to have a mothers love for her children.  It is so intense and scary but awesome and exciting and fun all at the same time.

Today I couldn't help but read every mothers day post that went up on facebook and I couldn't help but tear up to every message written for all the moms.  I love that we get to celebrate the lives of our moms this day and appreciate the great sacrifices they made.  My mom passed away just a couple weeks after Mothers Day in 2005.  I think that was the first mothers day I fully showed her how much I appreciated her.  Our relationship was pretty tough at times but I am still so thankful for her and the positive impact she has made on my life.  I loved seeing everyone freely expressing their love and appreciation for the moms in their life.

I personally know a small handful of folks in my shoes who have lost a mom or maybe a dad.  We have a bond and I am thankful that I know others who can enjoy this day and the messiness of emotions that can come with it.  Thank you friends.

I have wanted to do this for some time but today just feels appropriate.  There have been a number of other "moms" in my life that have supported me and shaped me like a mom would.  I am so thankful for these ladies and I often fail at telling them that they have made this kind of impact in my life.  Thank you moms.  Thank you Soraya, Amy, Georgeanne, Kim, Lynne, Aunt Barbara, and Granny or Bev (my MIL).  You have all blessed me and supported me at different times growing up (and still) and I appreciate you all greatly.